


So You Wanna Give a Blow Job

by WhiskeyRoseRiot



Series: So You Wanna [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Castiel in the Bunker, Fluff and Humor, Human Castiel, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1408087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiskeyRoseRiot/pseuds/WhiskeyRoseRiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Castiel thinks he sucks at being human, Dean assures him otherwise, and Cas kinda sorta falls out of the closet he never knew existed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So You Wanna Give a Blow Job

**Author's Note:**

> First ever uploaded Dean/Cas fic! Turned this into a one shot series so I can add some proper sexy moments for our boys down the road. Lemme know whatcha think!
> 
> Canon divergent from season 9; Cas still lost his grace, but no angels in Sam's melon to deal with so Cas can get nice and cozy in the bunker.

* * *

The bunker’s cold as shit in the morning, even in socks. Dean shuffles through the halls, bleary-eyed and barely conscious toward the kitchen. The sound of page turning doesn’t greet his ears when he passes by the library, so he assumes Sam and Kevin are still sleeping, and probably Cas, too. Guy’s got this weird addiction to sleep. ‘ _I’ve never truly appreciated the concept of dreaming until I lost my grace,_ ’ he’d said some time last week. ‘ _It’s wonderful, isn’t it?_ ’

Sure. It’s great. Until you experience a nightmare and wake up in a puddle of your own sweat and your heart about to beat out of your chest.

Dean had decided not to impart that little bit of wisdom, though.

He pushes through the kitchen door and makes a beeline for the coffee maker. God bless caffeine. Just as he rounds the corner of the counter in an effort to reach for the filters, his knee rams into something too warm and malleable to be a stool or cabinet corner.

            “Ow,” the thing says flatly.

            “What the-” Dean rubs the last bit of sleep out of his eyes and focuses, “Cas? The hell are you doing on the kitchen floor?” He pauses. And sniffs. “And why does it smell like something’s burning?”

            “It already burned,” Cas says, voice still scratchy with early morning disuse.

            “Uh…what already burned?”

            “The toast. And the bacon. Mostly the bacon.”

Dean blinks once. And then once more.

            “You made bacon?”

            “No. I burned bacon.”

            “Just – hold on,” Dean says, sure to step around Cas this time, who remains cross-legged on the floor, staring sadly up at something on the counter. “I need coffee first.”

            “I think I broke it.”

            “Broke what?” Dean asks.

            “The coffee maker,” Cas says sadly, and when Dean looks back he sees that Cas is, in fact, staring at the dormant coffee maker on the counter. “I did everything right. I know I did. I even followed the instructions.”

Dean glances up at the bright orange post-it stuck to the wall, where Sam had written out step-by-step instructions for Cas so he could make his own coffee in the morning. They’d done the same for the washer and dryer in the laundry room down the hall. Cas is a smart guy, really; he just doesn’t get along very well with modern technology and needs a bit of help sometimes.

Dean checks the coffee maker, noting the water ready to drip, the filter properly placed, and a good amount of coffee waiting to be made. There’s really not much else – ah.

            “Cas-”

            “I don’t understand,” Cas says miserably. “I pressed the start button and nothing happened. So I started over and tried again and it still didn’t work.”

            “Cas, you just-”

            “Then I thought I could make breakfast,” Cas continues. “But that didn’t work either.”

            “All you-”

            “And then I sat down. Because I didn’t want to break anything else.”

He sighs then, hanging his head in utter defeat. Cas looks so small like this, on the kitchen floor with bare feet in a pair of Dean’s pajama bottoms that are just this side of too long. His hair’s all mussed and the collar of Dean’s shirt gapes a bit around Cas’s neck, a painful reminder of the two weeks he’d been missing and hungry before Sam and Dean had found him nearly frozen to death in the rain in an alley. He’s still too scrawny. They gotta get more meat on the guy’s bones.

            “Cas,” Dean tries again, this time placing a hand on top of Cas’s head to get his attention. Cas looks up, eyes all big and blue, boring helplessly into Dean’s. “Dude, all you had to do was plug it in.”

Cas stares back blankly for a moment. There’s brief stretch of nothing where Cas’s lips part in surprise and Dean doesn’t know what else to say.

            “I…” he begins to say, “am a terrible human.”

            “Nah,” Dean says, removing his hand from Cas’s hair in order to reach over and plug in the coffee maker. He flips the switch and waits for the thing to start making all the right sounds before he joins Cas on the floor. One of his knees cracks in protest. Christ, he’s getting old. “Just means you’re a real one. You know how many times I thought something was broken before I realized I just forgot to plug the damn thing in? Too many. People do it all the time.”

            “Really?” Cas asks hopefully.

            “Yup,” Dean says. “My dad threw a radio at the wall one time. When he saw the friggin’ cord flying across the room, that’s when he realized he didn’t have it plugged in.”

            “Oh,” Cas says. “Well. I don’t feel so foolish now.”

            “You’re new to all this,” Dean says. “No one expects you to get it right on the first try every time.”

            “ _You_ do.”

            “I’ve been at it for while,” Dean reminds. “Only difference is I learned most of it as a kid.”

            “But I’m not a child.”

            “Maybe not in angel years, but in human years you’re still a baby.”

            “I don’t – ugh,” Cas cuts himself off, groaning in frustration. He drags a hand through the mess of hair atop his head and the action is so entirely _human_ , so simple in motion but so very, very peculiar to see in Cas’s form. Dean wonders where he picked it up. Sam, probably. No, definitely Sam.

            “What?” Dean wonders, entranced by the slouch in Cas’s shoulders, the worry lines etched into the skin of his forehead, and the wrinkles in his clothes, all of which he realizes he’s only just noticing.

            “I don’t _want_ to be the baby,” Cas says, gaze glued to the floor. “I don’t _want_ to need instructions for the appliances or to be reminded to bathe or change my clothes. I have the body of an adult and I want to be that adult and do adult things.”

            “Hey,” Dean says softly, placing a hand on Cas’s shoulder, and he can actually feel Cas relax under his touch. Huh. That’s…new. But then again, it’s not new at all. It’s – okay, he doesn’t really know what it is, but it’s something, that’s for sure. “You’ll get there. It just takes time, man.”

            “Well, how much time?”

            “Uh, I don’t know. However much you need, I guess. Why? There some big grown up thing you’re just itchin’ to try out?” Dean teases, finally dropping his hand.

            “Yes,” Cas says seriously. “Many.”

            “Oh, yeah?” Dean presses with a grin, coffee all but forgotten now. “What’s at the top of your list?”

            “Fellatio.”

Dean chokes on his own breath and spit at that spectacular gem of honesty, as is still Cas’s fashion, grace or no.

            “You want a blow job?” Dean coughs. “ _That’s_ at the top of your adult-things-to-do list?”

Then again, as far as adult things go, that’s pretty high on the top of Dean’s list of favorites, too, so it shouldn’t be such a surprise. Except it is because it’s Cas and whenever he thinks of Cas and sex in the same sentence, all he can envision is the kiss he’d plastered on Meg once or that time he’d been terrified in a brothel and it’s just…way too comical to take seriously.

            “No,” Cas deadpans, “I want to give one.”

Dean’s mouth goes drier than the fucking Sahara.

            “Though I’m sure receiving would be equally enjoyable,” Cas adds.

            “You-” Dean stops himself, the gears in his head cranking and processing and _holy shit_. “You like – I mean – wait. So you’re gay?”

            “Should I be?”

            “That’s not how it – dude, wanting another guy’s dick in your mouth is pretty gay.”

            “Oh. Perhaps, then.”

            “Wait, you don’t know?” Dean asks.

            “Am I supposed to?” Cas wonders with that signature head tilt, and it’s a hundred and ten percent strange because Dean is finding it kind of hard to reconcile the old Cas with the one sitting in front him now.

            “Well, yeah,” Dean says, but thinks better of it and adds, “I mean, I think so. Maybe? From what I know, most people figure it out pretty early on.”

            “As you said before, I have very limited experience in the way of human needs,” Cas says.

            “But what about Meg?” Dean blurts. “When you kissed her that one time? You seemed pretty into it.”

            “I was,” Cas confirms. “But I discovered my body had similar reactions when I was watching the erotic homosexual videos Sam showed me.”

            “Gay porn?” Dean exclaims. “My brother gave you _gay porn_?”

            “I was curious,” Cas says with a shrug, and there’s that humanity shining through again and son of a bitch, Dean is so lost right now. “He showed me how to use the internet.”

            “Sam taught you how to surf the web for gay porn?” Dean asks in disbelief because seriously. Seriously? The hell is happening right now? “Wait, why didn’t I know about this? He didn’t tell me anything. And why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

At that, Cas blushes – honest to God _blushes_ – and ducks his head.

            “It was…personal,” Cas says. “And Sam is very good at helping with personal issues and discussing feelings. Both are currently very confusing for me.”

            “Hey, I can help with stuff, too,” Dean says defensively. Okay, so he’s not the greatest when it comes to talking about his own personal shit, but could totally have helped Cas.

            “I wasn’t aware my attraction to men and women was a topic worth discussing in depth,” Cas says. “I had questions and Sam answered them and he showed me how to search for the videos. There wasn’t much else to be said.”

            “Still,” Dean says, still feeling slighted. “I mean, I thought we were best friends or whatever. Was it – did you think I’d, I don’t know, be weird about it?”

There’s that blush again, and Cas says, “In this case, I needed…my second best friend. And no, I didn’t think you’d react adversely.”

            “Well, good,” Dean says. “Because I wouldn’t. I’m not, y’know, acting that way. It’s cool if you wanna do dudes, too. I just, uh, never really thought you’d be into that.”

            “Oh. Well, I am.”

            “Okay,” Dean says for lack of a better response. “Cool. That’s – yeah, okay.”

Cas’s shoulders tense visibly, those worry lines making themselves more apparent with every passing second.

            “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable if I have,” Cas says quietly, eyes teeming with more fear that Dean likes to see there. “It wasn’t my intention. I don’t like to cause discord.”

            “No, that’s – no, Cas.” Dean settles his hand on the back of Cas’s neck in assurance. “Seriously. I don’t give a crap if you like dudes or chicks or both, okay? You can be into whatever you’re into. It just surprised me, I guess, because I never really thought about it one way or another. You likin’ anything besides burgers and bees is still eight shades of weird to me right now, y’know? I’m still coming around to you being totally human.”

            “Yes,” Cas says, and the corners of his lips quirk up into a faint smile. “So am I.”

They stare at each other a bit longer than truly necessary, as they tend to do, until the moment is broken by Sam loping into the kitchen and nearly tripping over them both. He pauses, eyes still thick with sleep, looks around the kitchen, and blinks sleepily at the pair of them on the floor.

            “Why are you guys sitting on the floor?” he asks.

            “It’s a pow-wow, Sammy!” Dean says happily, patting Cas’s back. “Cas just came out of the closet.”

            “Huh,” Sam says. “I didn’t think he was ever in it.”

            “I wasn’t,” Cas says, squinting in confusion. “I’ve been in the kitchen all morning.”

Sam stares at Cas mutely in response for a second before looking to Dean.

            “Dude, we gotta write him a book or something because I can’t keep explaining this stuff,” Sam says.

            “Nah,” Dean says, tossing a good-natured wink toward Cas. “I’m sure he’s a Googling expert by now, what with all the _porn_.”

Sam’s face turns a very entertaining shade of pink. Cas, on the other, seems to take that as an opening to discuss it even more.

            “There were some very interesting videos,” he says. “I’m not entirely sure if they’re all completely feasible when applied to a realistic situation, though.”

            “Yeah,” Dean says, finally standing in order to pour himself some coffee. “Most aren’t.”

            “But how do I know which ones are and which ones aren’t?” Cas asks, following suit.

            “You just, y’know, figure it out,” Dean says, feeling heat rise on his cheeks.

            “Dean, you should help him,” Sam says like the sly, ridiculous bitch that he so totally is. “Watch a couple and explain which things might actually happen.”

            “Or _you_ could do it since you’re the one that introduced him to it in the first place,” Dean retaliates. “Even Cas says you’re the one to go to with _personal_ crap.”

            “That’s – I’m not-” Sam stutters in a panic.

            “Awesome,” Dean says with a broad, victorious grin, clapping his brother firmly on the shoulder. “Enjoy your porn, boys.”

He snatches up his cup of coffee and turns to leave, but not before hearing Cas’s onslaught of uncomfortable questions, such as ‘ _Sam, do all men call their male partners big daddy?_ ’ and ‘ _Is it really possible to insert two penises into one anus?_ ’ and (Dean’s personal favorite of the bunch) ‘ _What exactly is rimming?_ ’

Yup, life in the bunker just got way more interesting.

 _End_.

**Author's Note:**

> Curious porn-watching Cas amuses me to no end. Hope you enjoyed & I hope you'll read part 2!


End file.
